I lost my best friend and partner in life to suicide in November 2017. Jay left behind three amazing girls and so many equally amazing memories. He was a very unique person. He was always so full of life, always trying to make everyone around him smile. He could get even the shyest of people talking. I loved watching how easy it was for him to interact with people and always envied that ability of his. This blog is a tool to help me cope with his loss but also to keep his memory alive.
Jay did so much for me including helping me find myself so, letting him go has been difficult to say the least. Without him, I feel lost sometimes. I loved a lot of things about him but the thing that I loved the most was his kind heart. As I sat in my therapy sessions, my therapist suggested writing to help me cope with everything I had been through.
Some entries will be in the form of letters or journal entries addressed to Jay. Other entries will simply tell Zoe’s story as we learn to go through life. Zoe is the daughter Jay and I share. She is the youngest of the three and the one that has no real memory of him. This blog is for my sweet Zoe Jane.
It has been slightly over two years since Jay left us. In that time, I’ve had people use different words to describe me; a widow, a single mother, a victim, a loss survivor yet I believe that none of these define neither him nor me. Suicide is not the easiest topic to cover so I may not always get it right but if you take nothing from this blog, all I want you to know is that you are not alone. You are enough. You are loved. You are worth it. I am here for you.
These are the effects of him.